Unfortunately, you don’t get to see my first cone.  But trust that it was awesome.

What you DO get to see is me doing that thing where my legs stop working and I fall into one of the other drivers…and generally look like an awkward disaster.

So, I have been officially “oriented”.   Last weekend the new hires headed up to the depot in the Bronx.  I am still trying to figure out the logistics of getting back and forth, it is somewhat in the middle of nowhere.  My bike will become my best friend once again, I am sure.  Anyway,  I am starting to get excited.  Like, legit excited.  I can’t wait to serve ice cream.  I can’t wait to drive the truck.  I can’t wait to DO IT ALL!  Orientation went well, aside from the fact that I was a little under-dressed for being in a garage for 3 1/2 hours.  I could not feel my toes by the time I left.  I would have been legit miserable if it were not for the ice cream!   I practiced making cones for the first time, it is harder than it would appear, but I think I (more or less) got it by the time I tried my second cone (which I promptly dipped in peanuts and devoured, regardless of how cold I was. Noms.)  Not perfect, but passable.  I am no Miss Softee…yet.  I could tell all of my (most of my) new co-workers were getting as excited as I was.  We decided to save driving for another day.  As much fun as we were having, by the end of the trip to the depot, we were all freezing and full of ice cream. 

TRUCKS!

Miss Softee shows us the ropes:

I really want to carry gluten free cones on my truck.   Will have to see if I can make this happen.   I am convinced that ice cream takes on an entirely different flavor when not eaten with a spoon.

Earlier in the week I went to the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene to apply for my ID Badge.  I am not going to say anything more about that, except that the process was awful.  Full of miscommunication, unhelpfulness and dismissive employees.  At the end of this near 2 hour long ordeal, when smiling was absolutely out of the question, they took a photo.  While I did not see the actual picture, I am fairly confident in saying that it will likely frighten children on the street.  I treated myself to a milkshake for my troubles as soon as I left.  It helped. 

Now I just wait for my badge with bated breath…

Winning.

On account of today’s obscenely lovely weather, I treated myself to my first Mister Softee cone of the season.  This is happiness.

When you’re tired and you’re hungry and you want something cool, well I got something better than a swimming pool.

Are you validated?  I am.

(tax stuff arrived today)

So I have officially completed my Mobile Food Vendor course, and if I may say, it was almost insultingly easy.   I feel 98% of the class would agree with this statement.

I arrived just in time to be evacuated for a fire drill.  Really, it’s not cold out at all, it is definitely not still winter, I don’t mind (Sorry, my desire for spring is starting to border on bitter).  After settling back in the classroom, proofs of identification and attendance were taken, and it took way longer than seemed necessary.  Approximately 45 minutes later, we were ready to go.  Right after we started I watched 2 late arrivals be turned away.  As I watched their crestfallen faces turn back towards the door, I felt legitimately bad for them, but on the other hand, ya’ll are getting in the way of my I-want-to-serve-ice-cream-to-the-public-ness. 

As the class went on, I teetered between mind-numbing boredom and being in shock that these things needed to be taught at all.  I understand it is just liability stuff, but one would hope people understand the concept of washing their hands by now.  One man was actually reprimanded for sleeping.  My fellow ice cream hawker, Caitlin (http://theicecreamtruckchronicles.tumblr.com/), was getting aggressively hit on by a classmate.  Don’t get me wrong, she is definitely more interesting than the class, but dude couldn’t take a hint.  I, on the other hand, found myself (uncharacteristically) answering questions out loud, just to kill the monotony.

Facepalm/boredom combo.

 But I digress… 

The highlight of the 2 day course was, hands down, the illustrations…some of which were straight-up disturbing.

I rest my case.

Another aspect of the illustrations is that I am suddenly hyper aware of germs and bacteria (Hello, meet your most anal ice cream lady ever), but also feeling bad for them.  Is it just me, or are these germs kind of cute?

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about the vicious murder germs…but did you have illustrate it by my boiling a small creature to death?

I will say this about my fellow Rolling Cones (oh yes, we have a crew name now), we were the most impatient group by far.  There was a lot of groaning and exclamations of “just give us the exam already!” Finally we were given the 15 question test.  The 6 new Mister Softee drivers finished the exam, time-wise, 1-6 in the class.  Speed team.  We all also passed with flying colors.  While I can’t speak for everyone, I know that I am personally very excited for this adventure.

(I have some thoughts on a mojito cone, as well as a simple crackers and jam cone.  Oh, and AllPopRocksAllTheTime).

Subliminal recruiting during my teen years for a later career choice?  I may need to invest in a bow tie.

No, seriously.

It was sometime during her childhood, and while I am not so sure of the details, I am sure that it happened.  So, this spring/summer/fall I will be driving an ice cream truck myself, to avenge my Grandmother.  It doesn’t matter if that makes sense.  When mentioning this to my friends, the general consensus has been along the lines of “Of course you are” and “While that had never occurred to me, that is entirely too perfect for you”.  Let’s hope they’re right.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine (shout out to Michael) sent me a fairly vague text of “drive a Mister Softee truck!”.  If I remember correctly this was some time in the middle of the night, and I barely processed it before I went back to sleep.  The next day, his girlfriend had posted on my Facebook wall a similar sentiment, reminding me of the previous text that had already escaped my brain.  And so it began.

As it turns out, Michael is a friend of Chrissy aka Miss Softee (hi_im_chrissy on Twitter), and she was looking to hire a new team for the season.  Clearly, I was the first person he thought of.  Clearly. 

I ended up talking to Miss Softee on the phone sometime after midnight a couple days later, jotting down all the details on the back of a menu that I found somewhere in the shambles of my bedroom.  By the time we got off the phone 30 minutes later, I was sold.

So far I have signed up for the class to get my Mobile Food Vendor License.  Luckily for me, all the new drivers met in the lobby, and did this as a group.  While signing up wasn’t difficult per se, it was good to have backup.  I would have stumbled in there and awkwardly spurted out something along the lines of “erm, ummm I need…vender permit thingy…truck?…uh, gimme.”  This way was better for everyone involved.

I am already trying to thing of fun toppings for specials.  I have a few in mind.  Smore cone?  Mexican chocolate?